My Family Laughs

The other night Chase, my brother, was bugging the heck out of me by making creepy noises in the back of his throat and swinging his hands at me like an animal. I went up to my dad and exclaimed, "Your son is a monster!" His face looked a little worried when he answered, "Again?"
Today I was complaining to my mother, again, that it was too cold and I was considering going to public school just for the heat. She laughed, saying something about me blackmailing her, but I was dead serious. It's freezing in my house, and I can barely get out of the hot shower in the mornings. So later, when I was complaining again, she said, "Here!" and grabbed my wrist and ran around the house, dragging me along. I have a very interesting family...
Very interesting, and evidentally, hilarious. I went to a camp this summer but before we left this guy dropped a fourteen year-old kid at my house so we could take him, too. He was freaking six feet tall or something, though. Anyways, he was at lunch with my family while my cousin was visiting after Church. He told me he was about to die of laughter, that my family was stinking funny. It's all completely true, though. I laugh every single day. Although, according to this guy, I'm not as funny. =( But I'm also the sane one, so I guess that counts for something. It's hard to compete with what I've got for a family, you know? We're like a band of comedians, -no, we're like the show "Last Comic Standing". We just don't get to perform for people often. Oh, and we're not crude. And, thankfully, we don't kick people off.
So, I have an odd family, but hey, who doesn't? Laughing is also very good for you. So, really, if you're trying to get healthy just come live at my house. That is, if you like sarcastic humor. Some people don't get it, but for the people who do, they love us. Well, my family, because apparently I just don't measure up. When that kid visited I was the one they had chosen to pick on for the day, too. So I am one-sixth of their material. I couldn't say for sure if that is a good or bad thing..
Let's go over the disadvantages...
First, funny families tend to poke fun. If you say something utterly stupid, you're going to get lots of laughs for months, and then the writers of the family will jot what you said down so that it can be remembered for years by hundreds. Sometimes you try to make a good come-back, but those are often just as hilariously idiotic.
Second, when you hang around people that aren't as funny it just kills you. Especially around people who just don't use sarcasm, or for that matter, take it very well. Several times I have said something that would have made my family or my friends laugh for minutes and minutes around the wrong kind of people, and I received blank faces with silence. You could literally hear the crickets chirping.
That's about it, so let's move on to the good stuff you can get out of funny families..
But before we begin, I'll warn you this list could go on forever, so I'll just list the main points.
First we have the laughing. Enough said.
Second, more laughing.
Third, I'm pretty sure the advantages explain themselves. I mean, of course you could go into detail, but the people who need it explained to them are not reading my blog!
Wait, that sounds like I'm calling myself funny. No, I'm calling the stories funny. It has nothing to do with how funny I am, necessarily. Also, people who don't laugh are boring and don't read fun stuff anyway. Although they should, because this blog is very informative. For example, did you know that snipes are real? Well, they are. Look it up on Wikipedia. If you were planning to go snipe hunting with your friends this weekend so you're all like, "Duh", well you're all like stupid, because your friends are playing a prank on you. They're probably going to leave you in the middle of a cornfield in the middle of the night. Get new friends. Oh, and this blog is also blunt.
So, yes, this post was very random indeed. But we went over the basics; boys, TV shows, laughing, and snipes. We also explained that this blog was for informative purposes only, because knowing which situations require water guns and which require caution tape are important to you. But is the blog funny? A sad attempt, maybe so, but you decide. You who? You, the invisible person, because I know out there somewhere is my dedicated reader, you're just imaginary.

Story of My Life

Today I'm going to tell you about what happened to me last night, got it? Ok, well this sort of thing is a natural occurence, let me tell you.
First off, my mom came home. Yay, cheers, all that happy stuff. I am honestly happy. Too bad my dad left the next morning.

Anyhoo, I hear her in the other room yell, "CRAPOLA!" which is something I've never heard her say ;) I laugh. Quite hard. Well, I would have, if she wasn't so angry. She was yelling at the trash. Then she tells me and my brother to take it out. So I get my bag before Chase does and walk outside. It's night, so it's dark, and I dont' even bother with the porchlight.
I decide, "I'm not scared of whatever animals are out there, I'm just going to do it."

Well, I wasn't scared. Until the raccoon tail hit my leg and ran under the bush by the porch.
So I was stuck on the driveway with an over-filled trash bag. I can't get back inside, because the animal is growling at me from the bush I just passed. And I can't put the trash in the barrel, because that's blocked by another, much bigger bush-like thing.

So I drop the trash and wrap the blanket around me tighter, and I bring my feet close together because I'm barefoot. I debate over yelling for a minute, then realise that's all I can do. So I yell for Chase for at least two minutes, raccoon still gritting its teeth together. I can tell he's standing at the storm door because he's shining his huge flashlight out of it and he turned the porchlight on. Finally he comes out after I all but scream his name.. ok, I screamed his name.
He starts walking towards me while I shriek, "STOP! GO BACK! OPEN THE GARAGE DOOR! NOOOOOW! BECAUSE THERE'S AN ANIMAL IN THE BUSH! OPEN THE DOOR!"
Of course, he doesn't listen to me. And he lays down on his stomach with the flashlight to look under the bush. So I yell louder,
"THERE'S A FREAKIN' ANIMAL IN THE BUSH! GET BACK INSIDE AND OPEN THE GARAGE DOOR NOW! OPEN THE FREAKIN' DOOR! I mean it! NOW! "

FInally, he does. And he throws a HUGE ol stinkin fit about how I have no right to be mad. And at this point of course I am TICKED and for some reason I'm worried about losing my voice.
Back to the correct tense, now...
Maybe I didn't scream as loud as I thought, I was trying to be respectful of the neighbors, haha.

Payback Time

Day 5:

HAHAHAHA! This time I was prepared for when Dad woke me up.
But this time, he just came in and said gently, "Wake up, Princess."
Too bad I had already planned what I was about to do. I reached lazily under my pillow and pulled out the squirt gun I had received inconspicuously from Chase the night before.
Two shots to the chest.

I won. =D

I'm inconceivably happy with myself.
It was my aunt and mother's idea, when I called and complained about the "Jell-o" thing.

Though, he then yelled, "Last person ready for school gets to clean my bathroom!"
I reached again for the gun, but he was already gone.
Dad told me later that he thought the squirt gun was rather ingenious, and he wondered if I was going into law enforcement judging by how I shot him.

On to other funny things.....
Dad came upstairs and said, "Let's see where we have to go today--nowhere? That's great! I can go see people now." He went back down to his office and came back up a little bit later, saying, "But I don't want to go anywhere, I want to stay home with my family."
Then he added, wistfully, "I want to sit on the deck eating ice cream while I watch Rachel mow..." Chase laughed. I wished I had the squirt gun with me.

Worst Wake Up Yet!

Day 4:

If you've read my other post I've been journaling the different ways my dad has been waking me up since my mom went out of town. This lost one drove me crazy.

He came into my room, grabbed hold of my foot and started shaking me back and forth with it, saying "Jell-oooo! She's like Jell-oooooo!" over and over. I got nauseous and started saying "Stop, stop, stop it" but made no effort to shake his hold off of my foot.

I'm this close to getting drenched with water, I'm sure.

Wake up, now!

Hmph. I hate getting up in the mornings. I hate it with a passion.
Instead of setting my alarm clock, my mom just comes in and wakes me up. I let her do this because sometimes she lets me sleep in and start school later than normal. But my mom's out of town taking care of her aunt, so my dad's taking care of us.
Today, I'm just going to tell you what my dad has done for the past few days to wake me up, instead of turning on my light.

Day 1:
Opened my door real fast and yelled "Get up!" then sang "Get up sweet pea, hear the morning sing ♪♫" Scared the nightlights out of me. He left, I fell asleep, and he did it again, scaring me twice as much.
Day 2:
After scaring me, he called the house phone from his cell, which happened to be in my room. He called until I answered.
Day 3:
I had just had a very amazing dream, when he cut into the middle of it with "Wake up!"
I decided it was an important dream, but I needed to process it half unconsciously for me to remember it, so I gave much effort into giving him a thumbs up. Too bad he ignored it and kept telling me to get up. "Give me five more minutes" "Two" he answered. By then I had forgotten, so he yelled a minute later "GET UP" from the kitchen so loudly I about peed my pants.

So we'll see how the rest of the week goes, haha. I love my dad. I just hate getting up in the mornings.