Spirit of Christmas!

.....I have a heart-warming story for you today. A little break from my attempts at comedy.
So once upon...three days ago, my parents went in to Aldi's (a store-from Germany- for people who are trying to save money like us) while I stayed in the Green Machine (an extended mini-van) to watch my younger brother and his friend. Well, my parents shopped around and were ready to check out. They let a man with less groceries than them in front of them. Well, the old woman in front of him forgot her check book. She didn't have a lot of groceries, but she had nothing to pay for them with. So the man my parents showed polite kindness to showed great kindess to the old lady by paying for her groceries. Then he told her, "Merry Christmas."
I can just hear the "Awwww"s.
.....So there you have it. I'm less icy already.

Insanity Takes Over

.....My mother, though I love her dearly, can be as much of a nutcase as I. ;)
Let me relate to you our conversation last night:
Mom: "Is it noon- uh, midnight? I mean ten?"
Me: *laughs*
Mom: "Would you hand me a box?"
Me: "Uh.. sure... What kind?"
Mom: *focuses on her solitaire game*
Me: "Mom?"
Mom: "Hey, hand me the T.V."
Me: "Um, no."
Mom: "I mean, hand me the remote. "
....Yep, that's how it goes in my house. Sometimes she even addresses me as all of my brothers' names and a few pet names before she remembers that I am called Rachel. But sometimes I utter random nonsense that confuses the heck out of them, so I guess we're even. Oh, and all of my friends love my mom, too. So I guess nuttiness is pretty cool as far as parents go..
.....We're not the only nutters in the house, by far, let me tell you! There's my little brother, who is sarcastic in his sleep talking, my father, who chased me with one of those shock pens today, and my cat, who walks toward the van when I'm pulling into the garage but is deathly afraid of the street. And that's only the beginning.
Oh, yay, we're going to go decorate the tree. I'm going to see what happens and find out if I'll have a good story for tomorrow.

.....So the other night while I was getting ready to head upstairs for bed... woah that sentence is long and run-on-y. Anyway, my mom started telling me this story while I was taking a big drink of water. If you know where this is going, don't spoil it for yourself. Well, her story went like this:
....."This lady was telling me she didn't answer her door if the bell rang during the day. So I said, 'Really? Because I jump up to look out my window like this-'" and then she showed me.
.....If the thought of knocking on another's door and finding two crazed eyes peeking over a high window for a split-second doesn't make you either laugh or feel a little freaked, you must not be very fun. Because I spewed my entire drink all over my mom's face.
.....Yeah, I was already cracking up, but then my mom started laughing hard, too! Her hardest laugh ever! SO I laughed even harder than I already was, and I found myself quickly on my knees, choking for breath. I seriously thought, I'm gonna die. I'm going to die laughing because of my mother. All of those dreams have finally come true...
.....Well, obviously it subsided, because I'm typing here, now, right? Anway, I don't know if I have anything else that could top that this week. I'll have to think it over. Don't tell people jokes, or rather, anything that could possibly be taken as amusing, (my mother told me later she hadn't even finished the 'joke' yet) while others are drinking any kind of fluid. Sage advice, I know.

My Family Laughs

The other night Chase, my brother, was bugging the heck out of me by making creepy noises in the back of his throat and swinging his hands at me like an animal. I went up to my dad and exclaimed, "Your son is a monster!" His face looked a little worried when he answered, "Again?"
Today I was complaining to my mother, again, that it was too cold and I was considering going to public school just for the heat. She laughed, saying something about me blackmailing her, but I was dead serious. It's freezing in my house, and I can barely get out of the hot shower in the mornings. So later, when I was complaining again, she said, "Here!" and grabbed my wrist and ran around the house, dragging me along. I have a very interesting family...
Very interesting, and evidentally, hilarious. I went to a camp this summer but before we left this guy dropped a fourteen year-old kid at my house so we could take him, too. He was freaking six feet tall or something, though. Anyways, he was at lunch with my family while my cousin was visiting after Church. He told me he was about to die of laughter, that my family was stinking funny. It's all completely true, though. I laugh every single day. Although, according to this guy, I'm not as funny. =( But I'm also the sane one, so I guess that counts for something. It's hard to compete with what I've got for a family, you know? We're like a band of comedians, -no, we're like the show "Last Comic Standing". We just don't get to perform for people often. Oh, and we're not crude. And, thankfully, we don't kick people off.
So, I have an odd family, but hey, who doesn't? Laughing is also very good for you. So, really, if you're trying to get healthy just come live at my house. That is, if you like sarcastic humor. Some people don't get it, but for the people who do, they love us. Well, my family, because apparently I just don't measure up. When that kid visited I was the one they had chosen to pick on for the day, too. So I am one-sixth of their material. I couldn't say for sure if that is a good or bad thing..
Let's go over the disadvantages...
First, funny families tend to poke fun. If you say something utterly stupid, you're going to get lots of laughs for months, and then the writers of the family will jot what you said down so that it can be remembered for years by hundreds. Sometimes you try to make a good come-back, but those are often just as hilariously idiotic.
Second, when you hang around people that aren't as funny it just kills you. Especially around people who just don't use sarcasm, or for that matter, take it very well. Several times I have said something that would have made my family or my friends laugh for minutes and minutes around the wrong kind of people, and I received blank faces with silence. You could literally hear the crickets chirping.
That's about it, so let's move on to the good stuff you can get out of funny families..
But before we begin, I'll warn you this list could go on forever, so I'll just list the main points.
First we have the laughing. Enough said.
Second, more laughing.
Third, I'm pretty sure the advantages explain themselves. I mean, of course you could go into detail, but the people who need it explained to them are not reading my blog!
Wait, that sounds like I'm calling myself funny. No, I'm calling the stories funny. It has nothing to do with how funny I am, necessarily. Also, people who don't laugh are boring and don't read fun stuff anyway. Although they should, because this blog is very informative. For example, did you know that snipes are real? Well, they are. Look it up on Wikipedia. If you were planning to go snipe hunting with your friends this weekend so you're all like, "Duh", well you're all like stupid, because your friends are playing a prank on you. They're probably going to leave you in the middle of a cornfield in the middle of the night. Get new friends. Oh, and this blog is also blunt.
So, yes, this post was very random indeed. But we went over the basics; boys, TV shows, laughing, and snipes. We also explained that this blog was for informative purposes only, because knowing which situations require water guns and which require caution tape are important to you. But is the blog funny? A sad attempt, maybe so, but you decide. You who? You, the invisible person, because I know out there somewhere is my dedicated reader, you're just imaginary.

F-f-f-fr-r-reeeeeeeeee-ee-eeezing-g.

It's so cold in my house. Sixty-five degrees, it says, but I don't believe it's that warm. I have long pants, socks, a jacket and sweater on. Plus I have a huge blanket wrapped around me twice. My mom is refusing to turn the furnace on while Dad's gone. I asked her if she was planning on never turning the heat on all Winter. "Of course not! We're just only going to let it get up to, maybe, sixty." My teeth are chattering. I can't sleep at night because it's so cold. It's sooo not funny. Why I am telling you this? Because I'm in misery and trying to keep the blood flow circulating through my fingertips.

So then, I'll tell you why my Dad is gone over the weekend. My grandma's chest cavity filled up withliquid but she's ok now. She just had heart surgery.
But the thing is, he took Chase with him. So it's quieter. And less violent. I haven't even injured myself since he left...yet.
So unless I'm frozen solid I'm sure I'll remember the funny things that have happened all week.