Story of My Life

Today I'm going to tell you about what happened to me last night, got it? Ok, well this sort of thing is a natural occurence, let me tell you.
First off, my mom came home. Yay, cheers, all that happy stuff. I am honestly happy. Too bad my dad left the next morning.

Anyhoo, I hear her in the other room yell, "CRAPOLA!" which is something I've never heard her say ;) I laugh. Quite hard. Well, I would have, if she wasn't so angry. She was yelling at the trash. Then she tells me and my brother to take it out. So I get my bag before Chase does and walk outside. It's night, so it's dark, and I dont' even bother with the porchlight.
I decide, "I'm not scared of whatever animals are out there, I'm just going to do it."

Well, I wasn't scared. Until the raccoon tail hit my leg and ran under the bush by the porch.
So I was stuck on the driveway with an over-filled trash bag. I can't get back inside, because the animal is growling at me from the bush I just passed. And I can't put the trash in the barrel, because that's blocked by another, much bigger bush-like thing.

So I drop the trash and wrap the blanket around me tighter, and I bring my feet close together because I'm barefoot. I debate over yelling for a minute, then realise that's all I can do. So I yell for Chase for at least two minutes, raccoon still gritting its teeth together. I can tell he's standing at the storm door because he's shining his huge flashlight out of it and he turned the porchlight on. Finally he comes out after I all but scream his name.. ok, I screamed his name.
He starts walking towards me while I shriek, "STOP! GO BACK! OPEN THE GARAGE DOOR! NOOOOOW! BECAUSE THERE'S AN ANIMAL IN THE BUSH! OPEN THE DOOR!"
Of course, he doesn't listen to me. And he lays down on his stomach with the flashlight to look under the bush. So I yell louder,
"THERE'S A FREAKIN' ANIMAL IN THE BUSH! GET BACK INSIDE AND OPEN THE GARAGE DOOR NOW! OPEN THE FREAKIN' DOOR! I mean it! NOW! "

FInally, he does. And he throws a HUGE ol stinkin fit about how I have no right to be mad. And at this point of course I am TICKED and for some reason I'm worried about losing my voice.
Back to the correct tense, now...
Maybe I didn't scream as loud as I thought, I was trying to be respectful of the neighbors, haha.