Speaking of Scary Things That Shouldn't Exist..

like Dentists, I've decided to relate to you my scary clown story. I've already told this a thousand times, so this is going to be the really crappy version. This really happened, I want you to know. It starts way back...
A long, long time ago, -like, since I was born- in land far, far away from here, -Grant, Nebraska, actually- there was a farm..
And on this farm lived Grandma Dody and Grandpa Bobby. A loving couple with a taste for Japanese and Chinese decorations... including a Buddha cookie jar. Anyways, Grandma Dody had a handmade clown from a dear friend. I must describe it to you so that you can understand the horror of this... thing.
It was big. Bigger than I, for a time. Well, more like long. And thin, its arms and legs were about an inch in diameter. He was made of yarn, crocheted. His "outfit" consisted of a gray color, with white pom-pom balls sewn on for buttons down the front. His hands were the shape of those evil, fingerless mittens, and white. So where his tiny feet. But his face, oh his face, was the most heinous.
White. No neck. Long. His eyes were black "x"s, and his mouth a blood red "U". The nose? Just a little flap of white. His hat? White and yellow. This face has haunted many a nightmare in my family.
Alright, now that you can sort of picture him in your head, the dull, murderous clown, I'll shortly explain the room he was in: He sat in a child-size rocking chair, in a room with a red-orange carpet. One wall had a huge Grandfather clock, and the other had mirrored tile, arranged so that everywhere you look you could always see the clown. (I know, right?) The orange couch had pillows that looked like eyes.. I have no clue as to why that was, but they were almost as creepy as the clown. Except that they couldn't survive the fire.
That's right. The house burned down. The clown's room was in the basement, and the house burned from top to bottom. No way was anything coming back from down there.
We went to visit my grandparents at the new house. I went to bed in the room they had set up for me. I looked up at the dresser and almost screamed, because there he was, smiling at me.
Yeah, I know, right? Not even a single singed string of yarn! (try saying that three times fast.)
Disclaimer: this IS meant to offend any clowns out there, I know your true colors, and one day I will expose you ALL!
JUST KIDDING PLEASE DON'T EAT ME.